Never Be Afraid To Ask For Help: How It Can Make You a Better Person and a Better Helper

It can be hard to reach out for help, even when we need it. Maybe asking for help strikes at our desire for independence, triggering fears of appearing incapable, lazy, or incompetent. It might be that we prefer to only ask family members or inner-circle friends for help. Or it could be our awareness of power differentials between instructors and students.

Never Be Afraid To Ask For Help

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Do some research and be prepared before sending an email or setting up an appointment. If you have an appointment for a live chat, video conference, or phone call, make a list of your questions and be prepared to take notes on the answers you receive for later reference. Having notes in front of you will help you stay on track if you get nervous or flustered during the appointment. It is also a good idea to be able to show the effort you have already made. Communicating what you have tried and what options you have already explored will demonstrate your dedication and make the process feel collaborative.

Asking for help is something that everyone struggles with. One way to overcome this reluctance is to understand two common beliefs about asking and then to update these beliefs based on evidence from research.

Imagine you're on the streets of New York when you realize you forgot to make a critical phone call. Now whether or not your best friend gets offered a job depends on you providing a reference within the next half hour. You reach into your pocket or purse, pull out your cellphone, and discover the battery's dead. Your pulse quickens. Now what? How about asking a stranger to borrow a phone? Would you be comfortable doing that? Most people dread the mere thought of approaching strangers, never mind asking for a favor like borrowing a phone. "Too awkward," you might think to yourself. And plus, what are the chances of someone actually saying yes?

However, so many of us assume that others aren't willing to help. We fear we'll be rejected. Or we figure that even if others are willing to help, no one will have the time or ability. I've observed this self-limiting belief time and time again in events I've facilitated over the years. Often, someone will take me aside and whisper, "I'm not going to ask for what I really need because I know no one here can help me." Whenever this happens, my response is always the same: "You never know what people know or who they know until you ask. Don't prejudge the capabilities of the group. Just ask for what you really need." And when they do, they are rarely disappointed.

According to this belief, if you can't figure everything out for yourself, you're telling others that you're weak, lazy, ignorant, dependent, or incapable of doing your job. The good news is that this fear is largely unfounded. Under the right circumstances, asking for help can actually increase perceptions of your competence, according to research by a Harvard-Wharton team. For one, asking for advice says you are confident. It conveys wisdom (you know what you don't know, and you know when to ask). And it says you are willing to take risks. But to make a positive impression, you have to make thoughtful, intelligent requests. Asking for advice about a challenging task will increase perceptions of your competence, but asking for advice about a simple, easy, or trivial one will make people think you're either incompetent or lazy.

If we perceive there to be high social costs to asking for help, does that mean that women, who (unfortunately) often have to work harder to earn social capital in the workplace and in society generally, are more reluctant than men to ask for help? The answer is complicated, as various studies have discovered. It depends on what is being asked for, the gender composition of the group, the nature of the task or work, and more.

In cultures where men are expected to be more self-reliant and help seeking is considered an atypical behavior for male leaders, then men will be less likely than women to seek help, fearing that it would impugn their reputations for competence. But the research shows that when working on teams where men are in the majority and when doing stereotypically "male" tasks, such as developing a negotiation strategy, both men and women are more likely to ask for performance feedback. Men in male-majority groups doing male tasks are more likely to seek feedback, compared with men in female-majority groups, and much more likely to do so compared with women in female groups with male-oriented tasks. Interestingly enough, women aren't likely to seek feedback in a majority female group that does stereotypical "female" tasks (such as developing a relationship strategy for managing conflict).

If you go through life choosing not to ask for help, you are never going to achieve your goals because it will be like reaching a dead end. As soon as you need help, you will turn around and start walking in a different direction until you need help again but this is a crazy way to live. If you want something badly enough, there may be times in your life that you need help but this doesn't mean that you are too weak to handle everything. In fact, it just means that you have recognized a hurdle and you could use another set of hands to help pull you over it. If you choose to go it alone and not get help, this is weakness because you aren't recognizing your boundaries which leads to stress and poor health.

Second, they should commit to experimenting with available tools. This works even better if people have a say in the decision about the tools or methodologies they use. Then, be sure to run the experiment for at least 45 days. By doing so, people realize the benefits of asking, as well as the positive experience of helping others.

I am Luciana Paulise, coach and author of the book We Culture, 12 skills for growing teams in the future of work. Through coaching, I help employees identify barriers to performing at their best and enjoying their work-life balance. I regularly contribute to Forbes as well as other multiple international media outlets. I live in Texas, and I am bilingual English-Spanish. Contact me to learn more! -paulise/

I am a free range human who believes that the future already exists, if we know where to look. From the bustling Knowledge Quarter in London, it is my mission in life to hunt down those things and bring them to a wider audience. I am an innovation consultant, writer, futurist for Katerva, and the author of The 8 Step Guide To Building a Social Workplace. I have worked across private and public sectors, helping organizations discover fascinating projects and work from around the world to help trigger the innovation process. With a post graduate degree in computing, my posts will hopefully bring you complex topics in an easy to understand form that will allow you to bring fresh insights to your work, and maybe even your life.

At the dorms, we looked up to our resident adviser; but we were amazed that she was a fifth-year student who was going to have to complete a sixth year to graduate. At the time, six years seemed like such a long journey; I thought that could never be me.

The good news is that I slowly learned to get help with resources and felt re-inspired after finding journalism as a major. My professors have helped guide me and have served as a support system, something that has been crucial to my success.

Walsh University, from day one, provided that safe space to ask questions, seek help, and advocate for finding the resources that will help students to achieve their highest potential both in and out of the classroom. It also drove home for me that it is up to us as the students to speak up and show our strength by asking for help!

While it is inevitable that we will stumble and fall, having some supports secured in place before that happens will help catch us when it happens. Ask for help before you even need it. Having tools and plans in place ahead of time will help you be strong in times of trials.

Being proactive requires a level of vulnerability, which is not a weakness, but a strength. Seeking out programs at your university can help you to build these support systems. Most universities have Counseling Services available to students at little or no charge. As a Counseling major, I can confirm counselors are there to help you through the big and little things, short or long term. They are a non-judgmental, neutral source that will be there to support you through anything and everything. Going to counseling or therapy does not mean you are weak; rather, it is a sign that you care about your mental health just as you would your physical health. Words cannot describe the positive impact counseling has had on my personal life in both the good and bad times. Being vulnerable and able to ask for help is a strength that will only continue to grow the more you practice it!

Before the semester starts, I still reach out to my professors with an email. These emails are to introduce myself, share my strengths and weaknesses, any anxiety I have over the coming semester, and the ways that I have been successful in the past. By reaching out, I have found all of my professors to be determined to my success not only in the classroom, but also outside of the classroom. Sharing some of my story with each of my professors has demonstrated my desire to learn and grow along with my determination to succeed. Asking for help is a vulnerable position to be in, yet it is one of the best ways we can grow and be successful. 2ff7e9595c